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26 March 2011 @ 05:04 pm
I'll Always Say 'I Love You' [M/A fic~]  
This'll be first part of a 'verse I'm planning to make! :) I'm really nervous, since the 'verse title sounds kinda pretentious, and I'm not sure if the whole story will translate so well into words... >.<; So yeah. Anyway.

I'll Always Say 'I Love You'

- - - - - -

10th January, 2010

Arthur glared down at his phone, urgent! Come to the office immediately! taking him away from his lunch. As he walked down the bustling sidewalk, he wished glares could light fires, and then he could go back to food, which he hadn’t eaten all day, and oh, I forgot my phone. Sorry.

... He gets cranky when he doesn’t eat every few hours. Which means he’s cranky a lot, and Angel, his secretary, better have something good to eat when he gets-

Two simple strangers passing on the sidewalk, brushing against each other. Merlin. Dropping his phone and grabbing Merlin who just brushed against him, centuries of memories slotting along his current one’s as if they’ve always been there. As his mind was a cacophony of MerlinGwenMorganaMerlinCamelotIrememberIremember, his body acted on impulse, dragging Merlin away from the bustle of the pavement and into a very convenient alley.

“Merlin,” he managed to get out, finally looking at his friend, breath catching. He still looked the same, but also different. Longer hair, covering his ears a bit and partly covering his eyes, unfamiliar but still his eyes, lips pulled into a soft smile.

“Arthur. Hi.” Merlin said softly, huddling into his black peacoat, green neckerchief moving in the barely there wind. His accent sounded different too, as if he’d been speaking every language in his spare time, but he couldn’t place a specific accent. Arthur grinned, because Merlin remembered, resisting the urge to hug him for 5 seconds, then pulled Merlin into a hug. Merlin stood still as a statue, then gradually relaxed, burying his head in Arthur’s shoulder as he held on tight. “Arthur...” Merlin breathed, squeezing him then letting go, hands resting on his waist.

Merlin stared at him intently, eyes conveying so many messages he couldn’t interpret, and his heart stuttered as everything fell into place because reliable, loyal, brilliant Merlin is here. Gulping, he tried to look away from Merlin’s eyes, because...

“Don’t tell me you’re going to cry just because we finally met again.” He tutted affectionately, shaking his head as he was able to look away from the magician’s eyes.

Merlin looked at the ground, hunching into his coat more, and his heart ached. Suddenly, Merlin looked up, staring at nothing besides his head for what felt like an eternity, and then Merlin bit his lip, bringing one of his hands up to Arthur’s cheek. “Arthur...” he said again, resting his forehead against Arthur’s, lips brushing and it’s as natural as a rainbow after the rain. He put his own hands on Merlin’s face, caressing the sharp cheekbones as he initiated a simple kiss. He groaned, hands holding onto Merlin’s hair as he felt sunshine unfurling within him because Merlin is in his life again, and everything felt absolutely right.

Tears streamed down Merlin’s cheeks, and tried in vain to wipe them away, but there was always more and his heart ached again. They parted, foreheads still resting on each other as he valiantly wiped away Merlin’s never-ending tears, he opened his mouth to say something, but then Merlin kissed him again, exploring each other’s mouths leisurely. Over the faint hum of city life, he could hear Merlin talking, the words resonating against his mouth, his soul.

“I love you so much, so much. I’m sorry, so sorry...” Was mumbled against his mouth and Merlin held tightly onto him as the words switched languages, eventually switching back to English as he muttered I love you, I’m sorry and I don’t want to, but I have to, please understand I don’t want to... over and over, and his heart ached once more. He tried to speak but Merlin kept on kissing him, on his cheeks, eyes, lips, nose and his breath was taken away from the flurry of the emotions he was feeling. While he and Merlin may not be the same as they were in Camelot, they’re still Arthur and Merlin and that’s all that counts.

“Arthur, Arthur, I’ll always love you, love you so much...” Merlin rushed out, hugging him tightly, bringing his hands to Arthur’s head. For some reason, there was sadness and what sounded like regret in Merlin’s words, could hear it under the unidentifiable accent and why is he

- - - - - - - - - -

Arthur’s penthouse overlooked the greater London area, and the huge glass windows in the lounge room showcased the London skyline, as well as the full moon. Arthur has been unconscious on his own couch for hours, while he curled up on the floor, back resting against the arm of the couch near Arthur’s feet. Absentmindedly, he fiddled with the cuffs of his coat, biting his lips so he couldn’t say the words he can’t say enough.

For so long he’s had to do this. When Arthur wakes, he won’t remember meeting Merlin, for the thousandth time, his past lives also being forgotten. Because something keeps saying he can’t remember, not now, not now and that voice rings of destiny and he hates destiny because he’s now immortal and he has to keep doing this because he’s a bloody idiot!

Letting out a choked cry, he looked up at the ceiling, curling around himself tighter. You have to go; you have to go the voice, but not a voice, a sensation, under his skin and in his blood and magic repeated. His eyes drifted from the ceiling to Arthur’s face, and he smiled sadly. Getting up slowly, he walked to Arthur’s side, stroking his cheek gently as the faint taste of bile welled up in his throat.

“I never want to do this,” he started softly and bitterly, “but apparently I have to. I’m sorry, so sorry.” He choked up, sadness, regret and guilt flooding him as it always did, tears slipping out of his eyes and onto Arthur’s cheek. Sniffing, he rubbed at his eyes, kneeling down and resting his forehead momentarily against Arthur’s, a sad echo of earlier. “I love you so much, I’ll always love you... I’m sorry.” He finished brokenly, taking off his neckerchief and wiping Arthur’s face of his tears. Putting it back on, he looked back to the London skyline momentarily.

Chewing his bottom lip, he waved his hand and then Arthur’s phone was lying next to Arthur’s head, since he didn’t have a coffee table.

Shivering, he crumpled to the floor as tremors suddenly started up, pain making its way through his feet to his head, and he let out a silent scream. As soon as it started, it stopped, and he breathed in relief. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that nothing was shaken or toppled, or that it even physically happened.

The tremors are something else. They can’t be felt by ordinary, non-magical people, or so he believes. Sometimes the tremors hurt, sometimes they don’t. But they’re happening more often.

You need to leave, leave! The sensation shouted, if it had a voice.

Looking at Arthur, he sighed sadly, and then closed his eyes tightly. And with a thought, he was in France, still feeling Arthur’s soul in England like beacon.

Arthur must always forget for now, but he will always remember.

- - - - - - - - - - -

The Once and Future King must not remember who he is until a time of great peril.


Current Mood: nervousnervous
Current Music: Legion Within - So Happy
Lilylil_lollypop36 on March 26th, 2011 04:28 am (UTC)
Aw, that was so heartbreaking. ;-;

I liked the concept of this. Good job! :]
Lenre Li: Merlin has pretty lashesuniversaldogma on March 26th, 2011 04:37 am (UTC)
Hehe, thanks! :D I'm so nervous about posting this... >.< But there'll be more once I decide which part to write next. I'm thinking of going with Arthur waking up...
ZanyRainey: Aw Man! Merlinzanyrainey on March 26th, 2011 05:01 am (UTC)
So sad!

Love it!
Lenre Li: Crying!Merlinuniversaldogma on March 26th, 2011 05:03 am (UTC)
It is. ;_; I'm gonna be crying once I write more of this 'verse...
HermitKnut: Merthurhermitknut on March 26th, 2011 11:02 am (UTC)
So sad! Poor, poor Merlin; I loved the bit with all the languages that hints at just how long Merlin's been around... beautiful, just lovely.
Lenre Li: Merlin - by candlelightuniversaldogma on March 26th, 2011 11:05 am (UTC)
Yeah, with the whole accent thing... he'd have enough time to learn them. XD I imagine his accent kinda like Colin's, but not...

delrue foxdelrue_fox on March 26th, 2011 02:21 pm (UTC)
Oh god, this is beautiful. The way you worded things and the emotions they felt, the pain we felt while reading this, it's all just wonderful. There's this weird sort of aura around the whole thing, like a soothing heartbreak..? Yeah, I'm not making any sense. It's really beautiful.

Promise you'll write more?
Lenre Li: Low self-esteemuniversaldogma on March 26th, 2011 11:00 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you think it's beautiful~ <3 It could be seen as a soothing heartbreak? In a way. Merlin gets those minutes where Arthur remembers him, but then has to take it away...

Oh, I definitely will. :D It'd be a shame if all the ideas and planning for this became a waste.
delrue foxdelrue_fox on March 29th, 2011 10:31 pm (UTC)
Oh gosh, stop make me sadder, you mean person! :( :( :(

Yes! If you ever get any funny ideas about giving up on this verse, I can't be held responsible for my actions!
Lenre Li: Bradley <3universaldogma on March 29th, 2011 10:54 pm (UTC)
How'd you think it was?

Okay. XD
delrue foxdelrue_fox on March 29th, 2011 11:15 pm (UTC)
Haha, no, it's just that you made me remember the whole story and then I had to re-read it. Which mad me heartbroken. Again.

I think the saddest thing is really how helpless Merlin is to the whole thing. I mean, here he gets his love back and HE's the one that has to take him away again. With destiny being a bitch, he doesn't really much choice, does he? It breaks my heart how close and yet how far he is to getting Arthur back.
Lenre Li: Merlin - Don't Tread On Me lyricsuniversaldogma on March 29th, 2011 11:27 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. XD

Destiny is always a bitch...
Lenre Li: Colin - blue with stare~universaldogma on May 14th, 2011 12:13 am (UTC)
*pokes* There's more~ just a bit though. XD
delrue foxdelrue_fox on June 4th, 2011 01:22 am (UTC)
Oh! I'm so sorry for not having seen this before, I've been dead busy/exhausted with end of term exams. But now I can finally check it out! :D:D:D:D:D
I hope it won't make me too sad, again.
lady_drose_sdlady_drose_sd on March 26th, 2011 03:28 pm (UTC)
My heart is in little pieces!!!!

This verse project sounds great!

Lenre Li: A light to guide the way....universaldogma on March 26th, 2011 11:00 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. :( *magnetizes heart back together*

Glad you think so! :D
archaeologist_d: Merlin Emrysarchaeologist_d on March 26th, 2011 07:36 pm (UTC)
I love how happy Arthur is to meet Merlin is and it turned so sad when Merlin kept apologizing. How horrible for him. Well done.
Lenre Li: Bradley <3universaldogma on March 26th, 2011 11:00 pm (UTC)
Hehe, thank you. :D
Silent Thinker: merlin raininspired_being on March 26th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
You've done a really good job with the emotion in this; it's heart-wrenching. The concept of the story is great too. I'd love to read more and see where this goes.

Small critic... I did get a bit confused as to whose point of view the story was coming from at times. And a few things at the start didn't really seem to make sense to me, with the phone and such. Might want to look into getting a beta.
Lenre Li: Blue neckerchief!universaldogma on March 26th, 2011 11:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)

I'll look into it... XD
brunettepetbrunettepet on May 13th, 2011 12:12 pm (UTC)
If he's not supposed to let Arthur remember, why is destiny putting Merlin in Arthur's path and triggering the memories over and over again? The torture of having Arthur for such a brief time must be harrowing.
Lenre Li: Colin - on the stepsuniversaldogma on May 13th, 2011 10:03 pm (UTC)
Because destiny is a bitch. <.< That, and there are ~greater powers~ at work, and who knows how they work... well, I kinda do with this 'verse, but otherwise...