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02 December 2010 @ 07:56 pm
Bring me the gun  

Living under a tyrant is never a good thing. Even more so when the tyrant is your mother, who is supposed to love you, care for you...

 

Bring me the gun.

 

A hitch of breath. Tense as bowstring. Words echoed in a mind ad nauseum.

 

“Time for church! Come on! Stop sitting like a stiff! Up we go!” Though her voice was pleasant, the command was there. Come along if you know what’s good for you. She tutted around, seeing you have yet dressed. You could tell she was shaking her head, still treating you as a child even though you’re way over the age to be ‘coddled’. She was pulling you up now, and dressing you like a misbehaving kid. Church clothes.

 

Fuck the church. The church can’t help, mother can’t help. But she is part of the problem.

 

Bring me the gun.

 

Your fingers twitch, thinking of your dad. Who knew what was good for him and left. But why couldn’t you go with him?

 

You have your dad’s gun in your bedside drawer, blank eyes sliding over to where his gun is hidden.

 

“Honestly, with the way you’re acting, you need church! I haven’t been able to help you...” you stopped listening again; you’re not helping because you’re the problem. A vicious cycle. Misguided ways of ‘helping’, making the problem, thus more ‘helping’. Can’t she see that?!

 

Bring. Me. The. Gun.

 

You close your eyes, the voices in your head, friends, confidantes, and your dark side, rising in volume. She can’t hear them, you know that. But she was walking away from you slowly. Why?

 

“Bring me the gun. Bring me the gun. Bring me the gun.” Oh. That’s why. Your voice was speaking along with the voices in your head. Years of anger, being carefully restrained was breaking out of its handcuffs. A manic grin started growing on your face, anger flowing through your blood. You still have yet to look up at your dear mother.

 

The voices in your heads stopped speaking.

 

And here you thought the gun was for yourself.

~~~~~~

My inspiration for this came from RA's Crazy Little Voices song...

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